Becoming Comfortable with Change: The Hidden Truth About Postnatal Depression

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When we talk about motherhood, we hear words like “joy,” “miracle,” and “blessing.” And yes those words are true. It is a beautiful miracle to bring life into the world. But what we don’t often talk about is how much it shakes the core of who you are. Not just physically, but emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually.

In this post, I want to gently explore what often goes unspoken, the grief that comes with letting go of your old self, the identity shift you didn’t see coming, and the nervous system challenges that can make it all feel overwhelming. Whether you’re a new mum, a seasoned parent, or supporting someone in this season, this conversation is an invitation to normalize what’s been hiding beneath the surface.

What Is Postnatal Depression? Really?

When my mum passed away suddenly from a massive stroke, nothing could have prepared me for how the pain gouged a channel to my soul.... reconnecting me to my wisest self… my intuitive self.

Grief did that. Not in a neat, wrapped up in a bow kind of way. But in the real, raw, stripped-back-to-nothingness kind of way.

The kind of grief that lives in your lungs. That takes your breath. That demands your presence because you simply don’t have the energy to pretend anymore.

In those weeks and months, I did everything, caring for my dad whose health was unraveling, parenting my son, managing a business, moving house, trying to function. On the surface, I was coping. But inside, I was a screaming raging mess.

You know that stage in a butterfly’s transformation, where the caterpillar dissolves completely inside the cocoon? That was me. No structure. No timeline. No roadmap. Just the sacred mess of becoming.

And within that soup, something holy started to stir.

The Sandwich Generation: Caring for Everyone but Yourself

Search the term postnatal depression and you’ll find checklists, symptoms, diagnoses. But what if we looked at it through a different lens?

In my experience.....as a mother, a coach, and a nervous system educator....postnatal depression doesn’t always show up the way it’s described on paper. It’s not always tears, sadness, or disconnection. Sometimes it looks like exhaustion that lingers for months. Sometimes it’s anxiety that spikes over small things.

And often, it’s grief...deep, quiet, unnamed grief.

Grief for who you were.

Grief for the freedom you once had.

Grief for the routines, the rituals, and the identity that now feel out of reach.

We don’t often pair the words grief and motherhood, but maybe it can 2 sides to the same coin. Because this transition is massive. And naming it helps us make peace with it.

The Quiet Identity Crisis No One Warns You About

When I became a mum, I didn’t expect to feel like a stranger in my own life.

Before, I had structure. I had self-care. I had time. I had autonomy.

I was someone who did yoga twice a day, juiced religiously, went on solo beach walks, and managed my life with precision and purpose. Then, overnight it all disappeared. I found myself barely eating, skipping showers, and holding a crying baby with constant sore back and zero sleep.

I didn’t feel like me anymore. And that loss of identity? That’s a kind of grief that runs deep, silent and its sneaky!

I loved being a mom, it took me many years to wrap my head around the fact that I was a mother to another human being at times. My heart, my body.... warmed when I just look at him, its a sense of joy and expansion.

AND....I also deeply missed the version of me that once was. That duality was confusing and painful… until I learned how normal it is.

When Everything Falls Apart: The Breakdown Before the Breakthrough 

I kept showing up. Kept pretending. Kept powering through. But I was broken. Exhausted. Fragile. And still, I clung to the illusion of control.

It wasn't until I let go..... really let go! That something new was born. When I finally surrendered, I started to hear a different voice. A quiet one. One that had been buried under productivity and performance for years.

That voice was spirit. My intuition. My inner wisdom. And she had been waiting patiently for me to come home.

Your Nervous System Is Doing Its Best

Here’s the science part, but stay with me...it’s important.

Your nervous system is the control center for your body’s ability to respond to stress. And when you’re postpartum, sleep-deprived, touched-out, overstimulated......your system is running on fumes. You’re in survival mode.

Which means you don’t always feel regulated, calm, or connected. And that’s not because you’re a bad mum. It’s biology.

Understanding this changed everything for me.

Instead of trying to force myself to be the perfect mother with the perfect routine, I started noticing my nervous system cues. Was I in fight or flight? Was I frozen? What could I do in that moment to soothe myself...even if it was just placing a hand on my heart and taking a breath?

The more I learned to work with my nervous system, not against it, the more I began to understand my self more.

Grief and Growth Can Exist Together

Here’s the truth we often forget:

You can love your baby and miss your old life.

You can feel sadness and joy.

You can grieve the past and step into the future.

That’s the power of the word and—it allows us to hold both.

I used to beat myself up for missing long solo walks or dinners that were spontaneous with people or on my own....

But when I started giving myself permission to feel it all, I stopped feeling broken. I wasn’t doing motherhood wrong. I was simply human. I was adjusting to change.

If You’re Feeling Lost, You’re Not Alone

This is your reminder that postnatal depression (or what I call a transformational shift) isn’t a sign that something is wrong with you. It’s a sign that something profound is changing within you.

If you’re feeling lost or unsure, you’re not failing......you’re evolving.

This change might be uncomfortable. It might even feel unbearable at times. But it’s not permanent. And you don’t have to fix it, you just have to feel it, name it, and allow space for it to move through you.

A Gentle Practice: Reconnect with Who You Are Now

Here’s something you can do today.

Take 10 minutes to reflect on these three questions:

1. What parts of me have I had to let go of since becoming a mother?

2. What new qualities have emerged in me since then?

3. If I were to talk to myself like I would to my best friend, what would I say?

You don’t have to have the answers all at once. Just starting the conversation with yourself can be incredibly healing.

Final Thoughts: You Are Becoming, Not Broken

Motherhood isn't about becoming someone new overnight. It's about becoming more of who you are—through challenge, through change, and through surrender.

This episode is the first in a series on postnatal depression, nervous system healing, and reconnecting with your inner truth as a mother. If any of this resonates, I invite you to keep walking this journey with me. There’s so much more to explore together.

You are not alone.You are not broken.You are becoming.

🎧 Listen to the full episode: The Filosophy Podcast – Episode 7

💻 Want to go deeper? Explore the Chill Out Course

📌 Save this post to revisit when you need a reminder that grief and growth can live side by side.

With love,

Fionna

Keep calm, keep curious, and stay connected.